Sex Stories - Shelby du Jour presents @raewitte

Shelby Sells returns with her monthly column in time to warm up the first cold autumn winds with her Sex Stories. After the long summer break, she is the freelance journalist, radiant conductor and cool girl Rae Witte to be the star of Sex Stories - Shelby du Jour of October.

Take a deep breath, pour yourself to drink and enjoy the interview.

#1 Let’s talk about your journalism career. Did you always know you’d end up in this field?

I didn’t know I wanted to be a writer. I joke about being a late bloomer all the time. I was doing some bullshit blogging when I was living in Miami and, thank god for Twitter, I started following all these writers and realized my opinions are valid. I started doing social media and freelancing on the side to leave Miami and I ended up submitting to one of the Hypetrak managers and started writing news for them. In the first six months of my new york media career I landed a DRAM interview, a Skepta interview, a Harry Hudson interview, and an interview with MeLo-X. My whole career came from twitter.

#2 What are your thoughts on wordplay? Is it important to you?

Super! I joke about it all the time like if a guy doesn’t have Twitter I’m not down because it probably means he doesn’t know how to use words properly (laughs). If you can’t be witty on the internet, are we even going to get along? You have to be a good banterer. Sarcasm… If you can’t tell if I’m being sarcastic or sincere this is going to be a huge issue in our relationship. Wordplay is very charming to me and I feel like it’s gotten me way over my head with people I shouldn’t have been involved with because they were so charming with their words.

#3 Do you sext? What kind of sexter are you? Do you enjoy it?

I am an expert level sexter. I would be happy to ghostwrite or coach anyone on sexting. I think it’s very valuable. I got some of my experience sexting while being a copywriter for BangBros (the porn company). I ran their email program and I had to write subject lines, the description of the video, some of the girls' bios… And that was five years ago. So imagine now that I’m a writer - my level of sexting is A1. However, I save it only for very important people.

#4 Do you send nudes over texting?

Yeah… Sorry, mom.
All my nudes are NC17 and my justification for sending them is after living in Miami I would go topless on the beach and now it’s so strange to me how protective we are over nipples in front of people we know when people I don’t know have seen my nipples all over South Beach. It doesn’t make sense. Boobs are definitely not a big thing to me. I never wear a bra ever. The nudes I’m sending are probably one step above the swimsuit selfies on Instagram. My mother was always like, “Underwear is just like a bathing suit anyways” (laughs).

#5 What about dick pics? Are you a fan or nah?

OMG. It’s like a select thing. I haven’t had a dick pic in so long I don’t even think I can remember! There are certain guys I would be very down to receive them from, but it’s so select that I would advise everyone not to send one and I would advise women to ask for them. I think that would clear up a lot of the unsolicited dick pic issues. It’s definitely case-by-case. I’m not a hard yes or no on dick pics.

#6 How do you balance freelancing with your social and dating life?

I definitely prioritize dating last. It’s like you’re new in my life and you’re not a priority. It’s not a negative thing. I could be into you, but I have friends that I love so much that are so busy because we all have different schedules that it’s like if I have three hours in an evening I’d rather go sit at a girlfriend’s house then meet with a new stranger. So yeah… Dating is definitely last unless it’s seamless and super easy, which is rare. I’m really fortunate that, although my friends work in different roles, we find a way to work together as much as possible, so that makes it really fun. I love that I can work with all my friends or write about them or interview them. Lately, I’ve definitely been struggling finding time for myself - myself that isn’t working.

#7 What’s your favorite form of self-care?

I don’t know if it’s my favorite, but going to the gym is my most frequent. If I’m mad I go to the gym. If I get a piece picked up that I’m so excited about I go to the gym. My favorite self-care is to just lay in my bed (laughs) listening to really obnoxious levels of R&B and singing along.
It makes you feel so much better.

#8 How do you see technology affecting dating today?

Oh, I think it’s a nightmare. That’s a lot of the reason I like to write dating pieces - I write dating pieces so people can communicate better digitally and not end up hating each other. I think it’s so easy to make someone feel terrible on the internet that you’ve been intimate with or seen naked that I definitely want to make it, so people understand that you don’t have to lie and you cannot be into someone without hurting their feelings… It’s so easy. And it’s so easy to get caught lying because of the internet! All the tea is in the Twitter favorites unless you’re a serial more favorite like myself.

#9 What projects are you working on next?

My radio show is my favorite outlet right now. It’s every two weeks. It’s my favorite outlet because there are so many super talented artists that maybe aren’t buzzing enough, but I know they’re doing something. I trust my taste finally, so I know they’re talented. Maybe music magazines won’t take a feature on them, but I can have them on my show and if they say something press-worthy then I have contacts with my editors to help put them on. It gives me an alternative way to shout out my friends I think are so talented - if I can’t write about them. Plus, I get to play all their music and show love to artists who are super underexposed and I get to have personal conversations with them because there’s no editor. I had Kari Faux on and the reason I had her on was that she tweeted “Broke dick is the best dick" and we had like a 30-minute conversation about it! I wouldn’t be able to do that on other major platforms. It’s more personal for me and my audience. I also have a couple interviews coming out that I’m really excited about.

#10 How does sex affect the psyche?

That’s a good question. Like in general? I feel very capable of compartmentalizing things. I’ve definitely been someone who’s slept with somebody I’m friend with after a while and then stopped and still been able to maintain a friendship with them - which conveniently hasn’t been an issue with anyone that I’ve dated seriously because they trust me; I don’t normally date people that are really jealous.
For me, it’s not sex that clouds anything, it’s communication. It’s communicating with the people you’re intimate with - if it goes from being consistent to inconsistent that shit fucks me up. The only times I’ve ever lost a lot of weight was after two break-ups. I found out that someone had been lying to me for a minute and it was devastating.

#11 Do you think that sex and intimacy are important? Why?

Oh yeah. I’m a much happier person when I’m having sex consistently. I think it’s healthy. I could never be in a relationship where we didn’t have a healthy sex life - open communication, invested in what each other likes, invested in pleasuring the other person! It’s a team effort all the way around. If that’s missing then we’re not in a relationship at all. I feel like now that I’m working for myself I have a very hard time being around people that I don’t have an intimate connection with, and not only on a sexual level but on a friend level. I only want to be around people I’m obsessed with. If I don’t have an intimate caring relationship with you I don’t really want to be involved with you.
It seems extreme but that’s where I’m at. It just makes me happier.