Why do young men have more difficulty in dating?

It seems that young men have more difficulty than their female peers in starting a romantic relationship. This is explained in an article by the U.S. magazine Vox, written by journalist and relationship dynamics expert Allie Volpe, in response to a reader's question. According to a survey by the U.S. research institute Pew Research Center, in 2022, 63% of men under 30 interviewed declared themselves single, compared to 34% of women in the same age group. Furthermore, while about half of single men stated that they were looking for a relationship, only 35% of single women shared the same goal. This disparity may be due to various factors. American writer Richard Reeves – specializing in gender studies, particularly the role of men in modern society – suggests that the difference may stem from a different definition of the concept of "relationship" between the two sexes. Additionally, women generally tend to date older individuals, unlike their male counterparts. But the increasingly widespread polarization among under-30 voters could also contribute to influencing this phenomenon. As highlighted by the American Perspectives Survey, a socio-political survey conducted periodically in the United States, 52% of single women would not date a supporter of Donald Trump, whereas only 36% of men would exclude dating a female supporter of the Republican party.

However, Reeves points to another possible cause of this trend: the change in approach methods. More and more young men, in fact, do not quite know how to appropriately approach a woman they wish to meet and, for this reason, often give up, fearing the possible consequences of a wrong approach. According to Reeves, many young men are mistakenly worried about the risks they might face by putting themselves out there with a woman. The writer explains that, instead, it is necessary to raise awareness among young men about the importance of stepping out of their comfort zone in relationships, accepting the possibility of facing rejection with maturity and respect. Reeves argues that some young men have good intentions in the realm of relationships but are often victims of their own social constructs. The Vox article, for example, reports a conversation between a man and a woman that, in its simplicity, well summarizes the issue: "I won’t go to a bar and start talking to a woman I find interesting. Who would want to be courted like that?" asks the first; "I would," replies the second.

The fact remains that believing one has the right to receive attention from the female sex is one of those beliefs that – together with an idealized vision of gender roles – encourage toxic masculinity, ultimately justifying behaviors related to dominance, aggression, and misogyny. This mindset is dangerous because, instead of fostering healthy relationships based on mutual respect and communication, it creates a power dynamic in which the man feels entitled to impose his interest – without considering the desires and boundaries of the other person. These behaviors are often the result of societal expectations that leave no room for a healthier, more inclusive, and balanced masculinity, in which men are encouraged to explore and express their emotions, even in the phase of meeting someone new. The beliefs tied to traditional gender roles also often foster an attitude that reduces women to objects of desire, whose emotional and physical availability is seen as a prize to be won. This can lead to a distorted view of relationships, where the idea of "courtship" becomes more a matter of power and control than an opportunity to genuinely get to know another person. Promoting a masculinity based on open communication, vulnerability, and mutual respect can help create a society in which relationships are more fulfilling for everyone. Stepping out of one’s comfort zone, as Reeves suggests, does not just mean "making the first move," but above all learning to genuinely embrace the differences and challenges that inevitably arise when getting to know a new person.